I LOVE black men and I want nothing more than to be married to a beautiful, educated, hard working black man and have beautiful chocolate children running around.
Being an educated, attractive, and classy black woman, I cannot help but to feel "some sort of way" when I see a good looking black man with a white woman. I would be lying if I said that "I'm no racist" because clearly this comment is a form of prejudice.
It especially hurts my feelings when I see these black men who seem to possess at least the physical qualities that I desire in a black man. It bothers men even more when I see these couples in the mall or Publix, and when I walk past these men tend to turn their heads in a way that makes me think yes, I'm with her and I know you're upset that I am with this woman. With all this, it makes me think What is wrong with me? Am I not what you want? Am I not the type that your mother wants you to bring home?
As a woman with high goals and standards, it is only natural for me to desire a man whom I can come home to and speak about my day to day struggles, about the racist e- mail I received about President Barack Obama that day, or to have a deep and analytical discussion on black history and issues that are plaguing our communities- A man who KNOWS exactly where it hurts and how it feels.
Of course, you can have these sort of discussions with anyone, but how can a man who grew up in middle America, a trust fund, and plays cricket, truly identify with someone who had to get bused out of her district to attend the "better school" in an effort to get a suitable public education and opportunities?
As I was reading an article in Essence magazine, it spoke about how black women need to stop focusing so much on these "brothers" and be a little more open- minded. After all.. black men are tending to be open- minded by dating outside of their race and black women are tending to hold on to the "good black man" syndrome.
However the facts stand, there are more educated black women then black men, and most black women desire a educated black man. But when we look at the ratio.. ladies it's just not enough of them for all of us.
Educated to me does not necessarily mean a FAMU or Harvard degree, but a man with passion, ambition, goals, and a desire to progress (all of this takes intelligence) NOT the goons who are in and out of jail with three and four baby mammas!
LET'S BE REAL! Do you think President Obama would have been received as well if Michelle was white? I'm willing to bet he would not!
I was at a seminar and an alarming statistic was brought up, 67% of black women will NEVER get married! Good, hard working, intelligent black women! So ladies, what do? Do we still hold on to this white picket dream? Or do we expand our boundaries?
I would prefer to hold on to that dream. I truly believe that God has the man for me aligned for me out there and he is Black ( I specially requested that from God...) But sometimes loneliness may get the best of us and a black man is not the only one who can remedy that family or be a good father and husband.
Yet and still... every Claire deserves a Cliff Huxtable... but maybe Claire needs to see what Mr. Rogers is talking about! LoL
11 comments:
LOL, I really like this. I feel the same way you do. I especially hate to see a white woman with a black man and here I am single and looking for that smart, intelligent and sexy black man. What do we do? Do we go to Mr. Rogers? I've actually given "Mr Rogers" a chance but the white guy type was just not doing it for me. But it's all in God's hands. He'll show us our fine, sexy, intelligent black men one day.
Race is a meaningless, artificial construct which has been used historically to arbitrarily divide, segregate, conquer, demoralize, and destroy wide swaths of people. Race is made up. It has absolutely no scientific basis - at all. Having said that, if Black men are more attractive to you, so be it. But as we all must remind ourselves, beauty is more than skin deep. Mr. Rogers may be closer to you culturally than a particular black man, and may possess in greater measure the qualities you so desire. Perhaps he, too, went to a "better" school outside of his district.
God might not give you what you want (A Black man), but he will generally provide you with what you need. Who knows, maybe singledom is the life for you....
"Yet and still... every Claire deserves a Cliff Huxtable... but maybe Claire needs to see what Mr. Rogers is talking about!"
Classic...I loves it!
Where to start...
It doesn't exactly bother me when I see a brother with a white woman. Hell, you like what you like. At the same time, I wonder and think, "What a waste! What's his deal with black women?" I feel the same way when I see an attractive guy with an ugly or raggedy looking chick! I again ask, "WHY her?" I got some good friend...let me hook you up! Gosh.
Is it because they had one too many bad experiences with a sister?
Are white women really that oh so sumbmissive? Are they just not interested? Are all black women dictators? Are all black women gold-digging and uber independent? NO! What in the world is it?
I've come to this conclusion...for MY sanity: Nature v. Nuture. Lions mate with lions. Bears mate with bears. Tigers mate with tigers. Every now and then you get a Liger. It happens. What can you do? Nothing. My "THEORY" #1: Black folks are moving out of the bad neighborhoods into better neighborhoods, with better schools, and better oppurtunities. So what does that mean? Little Mason is probably going to end up in a school where there isn't too many people that look like him. His teachers will be white women and men. He spends hours with them. He begins to mimic and imitate what he sees in his environment. Mannerisms might change. Clothes might change. He can probably play sports, so here come the blonde hair, blue eyed groupies. Get it? Think about it. The reason they may be interested in white women is because it's all they know. The only black women they might interact with on a daily basis is the MOTHER or SISTER. If she's a good mother, chances are she doesn't play around, runs things, and has no time for foolishness. Typical sister will drive you insane growing up. So now what? That becomes his mold for a black woman, and maybe Mason doesn't want to date ANYBODY like his mother or his sister! So what does he do? Finds someone who is the complete opposite. Chances are...she's not a black woman. This may not always apply and is only ONE possible scenario. Maybe he does want someone like his mother. But it's all quite possible.
I went colorbind in 4th grade when I was the only black girl in my class. I was falling for a white boy...then I switched schools and got my 1st, 2nd, and
3rd BLACK boyfriend! I think it's based on upbringing and personal preference.
So don't take offense. Easier said than done...of course. I'm educated, black, beautiful, and damn proud! There's nothing wrong with me or YOU! I know when God sends that man...a wonderful, educated, purpose-driven BLACK man to be my better half...I'll be like Vanessa Bell Calloway in Coming to America. "Whatever YOU like!" Sorta ;-)
Signed,
Room "D"
I agree with Charles, on many of the points he states. Especially on a day when race lines should be forever thrown away, we find ourselves being a divided by the same thing Martin wanted us to be able to do! Black and White, lion and tiger...not an equal comparison. cross-species and cross-color are farrr from the same! I bet an orange tiger wouldnt care about the stigma of mating with a white tiger. Sounds funny and trivial but it's just that simple! If a person loves you the way you desire, and is everything you need to be happy, why count that person out over the color of his/her skin?? When i hear black women make this argument it makes me sick that the hate that has been infused into black people through the generations, has manifested itself in modern day. As long as one person still clings to prejudice, prejudice will always exist.
I personally believe that everyone has a preference, and because of that preference it can be mistaken as prejudice and or racist… so don’t beat your self up about that… I am a black male and I love all women weather black white, Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern… and the list is to be continued… if you are frinkin’ beautiful... you are!! But, I know that at the end of the day I want to marry a black woman, with all the attributes of my mother... smart, funny, loving, affectionate, God-Fearing, spiritual, comforting... and a good cook ….that’s what I want and no "white picket fence" for me give me a "black picket fence" I have only ever dated Black and Hispanic females not once have I dated a white female but I am not going to completely rule it out either because who is to say that a white woman cant be smart, funny, loving, affectionate, God-Fearing, spiritual, comforting...and a good cook??? I am keeping my options… “WE may not get what WE always want, but HE will always provide us with what we need”
There are a lot of great comments here and I think everyone makes a very valid point. I normally don't base my opinions based on biblical references but I can't help but to do it now. Disclaimer: Don't let that last statement mislead you into thinking I don't believe in God or I'm not spiritually minded because that is just NOT true! It can't be denied that if you want to learn how to navigate through life maximizing your understanding of the world, how it operates, the vices that we as people face everyday, it is beneficial to use Christ as an example. I used to feel the same way that our beloved writer felt. However, now I realize that Christ was not a respecter of persons. More specific to this situation, I don't believe that he saw color, race, social status, or any other characteristic that can cause a person to be stereo-typed. This is why it doesn't bother me when I see a black dude with a white woman or more specific to my feelings, a black woman with a white guy. It just doesn't matter! We've been held back as a people for so long that it just doesn't seem to make sense that we hold the same prejudices that hindered our people for so long. We know better than anyone how it feels to be judged on your actions or affiliations based on your race, and it sucks! That's why I believe that God has designated someone for everyone with no regard to race. On the other hand, it is definitely ok to have preferences. My preference is black women for several different reasons, but I also feel you are doing yourself a disservice by narrowing your sites to one race. There is so much to learn from other races and cultures. Every race and/or culture has its issues, maybe expressing those hindrances to someone of another race can be the catalyst for the eye opening experience that we as a human race need to experience before total unity can be achieved. I think that people have a fear of losing themselves and their culture if they get involved with someone of another persuasion. Finally to my black women, just because black men are dating outside out of the race, it has absolutely no bearing or indication of your short-comings or what you think you may lack as a potential partner. Oh yeah, just because someone is the same color as you doesn't necessarily mean that they can relate to you. It just means you have a initial commonality. We all "deserve what we want" and governed by that theory we should operate within our preference boundaries. My preference is black women.. But I'm open to whatever God may have in store. I suggest you crack your door open a little too, you may end up at home all alone for eternity.. And that's no fun..
-Gus
Wow...really? This really surprises me that you, or anyone at all, feels this way. What happened to being equal? What happened to race and color not being a factor?
"It doesn't exactly bother me when I see a brother with a white woman. At the same time, I wonder and think, 'What a waste! What's his deal with black women?' I feel the same way when I see an attractive guy with an ugly or raggedy looking chick! I again ask, 'WHY her?'"
So white women are a "waste" and the equivalent of "ugly, raggedy" women? How are people in this country ever going to be equal if those are our ideals? What is wrong with dating outside your race? These things should not matter. I find all these things very close-minded...How are we all going to ever be equal and move forward if ideas like these persist? I can understand if you yourself want to be with a black man, but I can not understand why you have to hate on interracial couples. Not cool, not smart, not classy. In any case, color should not matter. A good man is a good man, no matter what color, shape or form..
I love all the dialogue guys! I didn't know my personal opinion was gonna get people ( especially guys) so fired up!
At the end of the day... tho race SHOULDN'T matter it does. And whether yall like it or not I PREFER and will have a black man.
And to Anonymous.. I am the truest definition of cool, smart, and classy. Don't get it twisted sweetpea! ;)
I would like to respectfully disagree with my male counterpart...."Charles"....There is much "adu" about races biographically. Although, true the word is spread around to loosely....there are fundamental differences between those with melanin and those with lesser amounts of it. Please check the "Isis Papers" for scientific research on the topic..........that being said. It is simply up to you, however I do implore women that are seeking, what exactly are you actively doing to attract different guys then the ones "you've been attracting"? Also, trust me on this one, the one with the "white" women, you may not even want at the end of the day.
You mentioned longing to have certain conversations when retiring home, and I'm very doubtful that some of these guys are going to be engaging on the topic let alone care enough.
Lastly, you guys are YOUNG, I cannot stress that enough, some of us can't even master friendships, but want to enter long-term relationships. At the end of the day, the heart will get what it wants. Keep your eyes closed and your hearts open, peace.
I'm sorry to say but it might not be in Gods plan for you to be with a black man, but maybe it is who knows. What I do know is that God will Bless with a great man but a blessing is but an opportunity. God is not gonna drop this guy in your lap but he will put you in the right place at the right time and its up to you to open the door of opportunity. Sometimes opening that door means going to the movies wit that white boy thats been trying to get at you for three months. If God only wanted black men be with black women we wouldn't have Obama.
Rachel, over the years I have heard this complaint several times and I do understand where black women are coming from. Believe it or not many black men want to end up with a black woman, but when watching that first dance did you ever take into consideration that there would be no Barack Obama if it were not for interracial dating? Would you have been upset with that couple you see in publix if you knew that the product of their relationship would change the world in such a way no one could conceive? Some black men have been hypnotized into thinking a white women is the holy grail but not all of us. Your an attractive girl im sure your approached by black men on a regular basis. And by now you know a relationship is about so much more than just the color of our skin. The one your looking for will find you and he will be very lucky to have done so. But in the meantime dont envy others for their relationships.
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